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December 31, 2004

Mick and Heather Go to a Poker Party for New Year's
Nothing beats some cigars and gambling to ring in a new year.

To celebrate the end of 2004, Mick and Heather went to a dilapidated house on the south side of Edmonton and took part in a serious Texas Hold 'em Tournament.

Hosted at Mick's old house by Mick's old roommate, Dustin, the show featured many competitors from tourist hotspots like Drayton Valley or even Fort McMurray.

"I can't believe the money they were throwing down," explained Heather, "There's enough money on the table to fix this house up!"

Mick was less enthusiastic about the evening. "Whitey Houston was supposed to play the basement, but decided not to show. The other band had their bass player bought to go somewhere else. There were supposed to be two live bands here tonight, like when Joe Clark used to live here."

Mick didn't fair as well as Heather in the tournament, although he did manage to smoke twice as many cigars as her.

Photo: Dirty Tony cleaned up at the tournament, despite the woman in grey giving signals to the rest of the components.

December 23, 2004

Mick and Heather Go Home for Christmas
Mick and Heather drove home to Saskatchewan for a lovely visit with Mick's family in Regina, and Heather's family in Weyburn.

"The roads weren't that good, but next year we won't have to drive so far," noted Heather. The nine hour drive has been tough in the past, with Heather sometimes staying awake for forty-five minutes or more during the entirety of the trip.

The highlight of the trip was seeing the new family home of Heather's sister, Pam. "I love it," explained Mick, "I could sit and watch this giant TV and with Pam and Chad serving me alcohol and snacks forever."

"I was really impressed to find out that one of Mick's brothers is finally moving out of his parents place," added Heather, "He negotiated a date to have most of his stuff moved out, because he says he's not really moving out, just sort of. He's got until February 8th to move all his crap out."

"I just hope he gets out soon, so we can sell our house and move in with my parents in his old bedroom," explained Mick.

Photo: Everyone knows that this is exactly how Weyburn looks in the middle of winter.

December 15, 2004

Mick Wins an MP3 Player from Molson
Despite Mick's boycott on Molson products since his neighbour lost his job there last winter, he managed to win an MP3 player in an online contest on their website.

"I really like my new Muvo Slim," Mick explained with an advertiser's tone, "It's the same size as a credit card, and I can put about eight hours of music on it."

"As soon as it came in the mail, he ran upstairs and loaded Superstar by The Carpenters on it. He loves that song. He's got this brand new technology, and he puts The Carpenters on it. Weirdo!" Heather exclaimed.

Mick used the MP3 player for all of six hours before deciding that the little earpieces were hurting his ears. He has since hunted down some other headphones, and hopes to carry on using is.

Photo: This player also picks up FM, and Mick can record and playback his own little messages to himself. Note to self- stop being a geek.

November 27, 2004

Mick and Heather Go for Coffee and Enjoy a "Full Moon"
If you thought that low-rider jeans weren't popular anymore, you obviously weren't at the Sugarbowl with Mick and Heather on Saturday night.

Mick and Heather were out for coffee with their friend Patrick, when they couldn't help noticing a girl sitting on a bar stool five feet away from their table.

"I wouldn't have noticed if we weren't sitting at a lower level, with our heads at about the same height as her bum," explained Heather. "Once I saw it, I found it difficult to carry on a conversation."

Mick had no problems. "It looked so soft. It looked like it needed attention. If we would've been talking, I would've been able to focus on the conversation. No problem."

"We were talking. I thought you were ignoring me," explained Patrick. "If people think that showing their private parts is appropriate, they should think again."

Since the recent "fallout" Mick and Heather have decided to let people know when their behinds are out front.

Photo: This picture is being used to illustrate a point. The actual ass that was hanging out had no thong, and had a very nice shape to it. Ask Mick. It was a bare bum on a bar stool. Taking a picture would've been inappropriate, correct?

November 6, 2004

Mick and Heather Buy a New Bed and Mattress
After years of suffering with a spring mattress that had seen better days, Mick and Heather splurged and bought a new bed and mattress.

The mattress, purchased at The Foam King, is a memory foam mattress that forms to your body within about five minutes. "When Heather gets up, I can't even feel it," Mick commented.

"I can't believe that Mick wanted to put it in the trunk. You can't fit a queen sized mattress in a trunk. He put it in the back seat and wedged the doors shut. People were watching us. How embarrassing!" Heather complained.

The bed, itself, wouldn't fit into the Corolla. "She didn't even let me try," Mick went on, "I think those Danish guys at Club 8 designed our bed to fit into small Japanese cars."

After the delivery people brought the wrong bed three hours late, Mick spent a couple of hours assembling the proper one when it arrived. "It's so comfortable. I kept falling asleep while putting it together.

If you'd like a tour of the new bed, let Mick know and he can arrange it.

Photo: Heather caught Mick's girlfriend in their bedroom and took this picture.

October 31, 2004

Mick and Heather Dress Up as the White Stripes for Halloween
In a display of poor judgement and ill planning, Mick and Heather attended a Halloween party this year dressed as the White Stripes.

"I thought it would be easy, and sort of funny," Heather explained.

"I didn't want to tell her that the crowd there would have no idea who we were, and I kind of liked the idea of seeing her in a black wig."

For those of you who don't know who the White Stripes are, including those of you who were at the party and stared at us like we were crazy, they are a rock band. The kids all like them. They are like Captain and Tennille, sort of. Maybe more like the Carpenters.

At next year's party, expect to see Mick out in his Colonel Sanders costume again, and Heather dressing up like a pirate.

Photo: Meg and Jack White are the White Stripes. Mick and Heather are not.

October 24, 2004

Mick and Heather Get Their Film Developed and Find a UFO Photo
Despite the ongoing London Drugs boycott that Mick and Heather have been adhering to, the two took a disposable camera in to London Drugs today and found some interesting photos.

Their digital camera, made by Nikon and purchased at London Drugs, has been out of commission since the two attended a wedding on a beach this past May Long Weekend. A single grain of sand got into the camera, thereby voiding the warranty, so they have been depending on a twelve-dollar disposable to capture their memories. Neither Nikon nor London Drugs made any effort to calm their disgust at the frailty of the camera, hence the boycott.

The photos developed today show an unidentified flying object crossing the highway. Based on the topography of the landscape, it is estimated to be the stretch of road between Regina and Saskatoon.

"I cannot identify what the craft in the photo is," explained Mick, "Although I remember getting the camera out really quick to get a shot of it."

Heather is speechless. "I think it was a guy in one of those things that flies, but I'm not sure. I really don't know what to say. A rare find, indeed."

Photo: The arrow was added after. It is not the UFO. The object it is pointing to, however, is.

October 16, 2004

Mick and Heather Go to a Vegetarian Potluck
Keeping up with Heather's gang of merry vegetarians does not always prove taxing, if you ask Mick.

This weekend the two headed out to enjoy some live music in Dave and Laurel's basement, while a fun-filled potluck took place upstairs.

"Sorry, all I brought was Tim-Bits," one attendee remarked, "I hope no one minds. Wow, tofu curry!"

Heather was surprised by the number of carrot cakes that made their way to the potluck. "I am really surprised that so many people thought of carrot cake at the same time. There aren't even two pies the same, but there are three carrot cakes. Wow."

Mick had to work the day of the potluck, as well as the following day, so visiting had to be cut short around 10 pm. "The party was just getting started, and people were really beginning to pack the joint, and all of a sudden I realised that it was time for bed," Mick explained.

Hopefully when Mick and Heather have their housewarming, they will get a chance to stay up later and shake it up a bit.

Photo: It looks like it might have meat but it doesn't. Vegetarians are very tricky.

October 10, 2004

Mick and Heather Go to a Thanksgiving Potluck

Due to the large distance between Mick and Heather and their families, they rarely get to go home and have a big supper with all the family. They are not alone in this, and so their support group, the "Bunch of People Who Live Hours Away from Family" group, had a potluck dinner to celebrate Thanksgiving.

"I couldn't believe how good those sweet potatoes were. They were awesome!" Heather exclaimed. Dishes included the turkey, stuffing, potatoes, a layered salad that Mick prepared, a cabbage roll casserole that Heather concocted, four lovely desserts, and the sweet potatoes that Heather couldn't get enough of.

"I really liked the sportsmanship demonstrated prior to supper," Mick explained, "That game with the wooden toilets and washers was very intense, but no one got out of hand."

Mick and Heather were planning on going home for Christmas, but if Peri and Sean are hosting another potluck they might think twice. As long as the sweet potatoes are going to be there.

Photo: In the hole is three points, all yellow is two points, and white is a single point. Like curling, you cancel out your opponents score if you match them. It's intense!

October 10, 2004

Heather Makes an REM CD Cover in Her Morning Tea
Always trying to add excitement to her life, Heather has begun experimenting with the cream in her morning tea.

"She really likes it when something neat appears. She had the face of Christ appear one time, and another time she had Van Gogh's Starry Night. She's lucky to have had the camera nearby this time, though," Mick observed.

The Monster CD by REM is one of the greatest albums of all time. The first single, "What's the Frequency, Kenneth" (named after Dan Rather's bizarre beating in 1986) launched the album into the top ten selling albums of 1994.

"What I am attempting to do, is to make a collection of various images in my tea, " Heather explained, "Some of the stuff is more Bauhaus, while others are tributes to my favourite artists. In this case, the artists are the members of REM.

Photo: Someday Heather's art will be in galleries.

September 25, 2004

Mick and Heather Volunteer for Cystic Fibrosis
This past Saturday Mick and Heather spent the day driving around college kids and supplying them with car wash soap and balloons for their Shinerama campaign.

"This is a great fundraiser- thousands of university and college kids from across Canada have raised over $15 million over the past 40 years. Last year, alone, they raised $952,000!" Mick explained.

Mick's first Shinerama campaign was back in 1998. This was Heather's first year. "Mick's still a student, doing his second ticket, but we're not really into the same things as these kids. At least they weren't annoying. I thought they'd be a lot worse. It was for a good cause," Heather explained.

Since Shinerama's inception in 1964, the average life expectancy of a child born with CF has been quadrupled. The livelihood of the afflicted has improved dramatically through research. If you are interested in donating to the Canadian Cystic Fibrosis Foundation, click here.

Photo: If you see this logo on t-shirts or balloons, get out your spare change.

September 18, 2004

Mick and Heather Sit Around the House for an Entire Weekend
It's not very often that they have nothing to do for an entire weekend, but they managed to pull it off this week.

This Friday night, Mick and Heather sat on the couch, eating junkfood, watching TV. "I really like our couch. It's in our living room, and I don't even have to wear pants," Mick explained. After supper the two watched Jeopardy, America's Next Top Model, then about six channels at a time for the rest of the evening.

On Saturday morning Mick and Heather slept in. When they woke up they played Boggle for about six hours while listening to their favourite Saturday shows on CBC Radio (Go, Quirks & Quarks, Definitely Not the Opera, Wire Tap, and Finkleman's 45s). They ate junk all day, then watched more TV until they fell asleep on the couch.

"I was really worried when we ran out of chips," Heather noted. "We made out all right, though, because we found some popcorn and baked a cake."

Sunday was pretty much the same as the two previous days, but there were a number of phone calls that disrupted the day. If they ever get the chance for another weekend like this, they plan on stocking up on junk food ahead of time.

Photo: Mick and Heather could not make do without a television.

September 1, 2004

Mick and Heather Have Coffee with Sarah Richardson
This weekend, at the Second Cup coffee shop in the Edmonton Public Library, Mick and Heather had a quick cup of coffee with HGTV's Room Service and Design Inc's star Sarah Richardson.

Sarah was in town for the Edmonton Home & Interior Design Show, and was staying at a nearby hotel.

It wasn't that long ago that Mick couldn't handle hearing Sarah talk. "She used to make my teeth hurt. I'd be flipping channels and I'd stumble onto her show and end up on the floor, wincing."

Now, things are different. "Since she's softened her look, Mick spends more time on her show than before. It's like she went on What Not to Wear or something," explained Heather.

Despite the fact that Sarah has specialized in lifestyle television for over five years as a set decorator and production designer, and has run her own Design firm for over 7 years, she had no advice to give Mick and Heather on decorating their home. In fact, she never even said a word to them. "It's like we weren't even there together," complained Mick.

Photo: Mick and Heather keep this woman in business.

August 28, 2004

Mick and Heather Buy a Big Bag of Rice
Since buying their gigantic rice cooker, Mick and Heather have been going through rice at an alarming rate.

Just last week, Mick commented that he felt bloated all the time, as if he was over-full of rice.

"I think Mick's exaggerating," explained Heather. "We eat less than 5 kilograms of rice per week. That's nothing. And he says he's part Chinese..."

Along with gross amounts of rice being consumed, the soy sauce use is also up.

Today Mick and Heather purchased a big bag of jasmine rice from Lucky 97 Grocery. It barely fit into the trunk of their car, and took Mick and two small helpers to get it out to the parking lot. It should last them about two weeks.

"The more rice I get, the more I feel connected to my homeland," Mick explained. "Heather keeps forgetting to buy coconut milk when we go to Lucky 97, so we're going to have to go back. Chances are, she'll want more rice again."

If rice consumption continues at this rate, Mick and Heather will be buying their rice on the commodities market.

Photo: Mick and Heather keep this woman in business.

August 23, 2004

Mick and Heather Attend Mick's Family Reunion
Every three years or less, the Machan family gets together to celebrate their family.

Besides the ever-rousing cribbage tournament, there is always the hour or more of family photos to brighten everyone's day. This was only Mick's second or third reunion that he could remember, so there was a lot of new cousins met.

"I was really glad to get a chance to talk with some of my grandmother's cousins, whom I've never talked to. They likely held me when I was a baby, but besides that there hasn't been a lot of contact with them. I guess I should've taken more time off work in the past to attend these," Mick explained.

Heather enjoyed the festivities, but was remorseful that she didn't get to make a sand castle as planned. "We got rained out. I wanted to make a sand castle. Man, does that ever make me angry!"

Both Mick and Heather had a great time, and are looking forward to some of their cousins dropping in on them in Edmonton.

Photo: The Machan Family Crest.

August 21, 2004

Mick and Heather See a Warhol Exhibit at the Vancouver Art Gallery
Mick and Heather attended a very special show at the Vancouver Art Gallery today- a show that both shocked them and inspired them.

"I was shocked," Heather explained, in awe.

The Warhol Museum had sent some of Andy's work and creations to be on display in Vancouver from June 5th to September 6th, and Mick and Heather didn't want to miss it.

The show featured items ranging from pencil drawings of shoes to super-prints of celebrities such as Marilyn Monroe, Elizabeth Taylor, and even Wayne Gretzky. Granted, some celebrities commissioned works of themselves for $25,000 each, which is why someone as lame as Gretzky could get their own portrait done.

The exhibit also featured the Campbell's Soup cans he's known for, and a number of childhood sketches.

"I'm a little disappointed that a lot of his photos from his books weren't on display. There is a remarkable photo he took of his own choda that is in his coffee table book that was omitted. I would've loved to see a gigantic print of his choda," Mick lamented.

Photo: Andy Warhol has been famous for way longer than the 15 minutes he spoke of.

August 12, 2004

Mick and Heather Drive to Regina to Visit Family
This past Thursday Mick and Heather headed to Regina to celebrate the life of Heather's Grandmother, who passed away at age 100.

The celebration of Margaret Manson Kerr's life included lots of stories as well as a trip to a local watering hole.

"I never met Heather' grandma. After hearing all of the stories, like of her reciting 'The Cremation of Sam McGee' or her always wanting a hug from Pavarotti, I felt like I missed out on meeting someone really special," explained Mick.

The highlight of the party for Heather was the meat draws at the Eagle's club. "I wanted that bag of frozen steaks soooo bad," Heather gushed," but I would've settled for some chicken drumettes in another draw."

Heather was also happy to see her family all together again. "I saw cousins I haven't seen since I was a little girl," she explained. "It was nice to visit again."

Margaret was the daughter of David Burn Manson and Jane Cunningham, granddaughter of George Manson and his wife Ann, and great-granddaughter of William Manson and Catherine Brock, both of which were born in the 1700s.

Photo: What's a celebration without fireworks?

August 5, 2004

Mick and Heather Volunteer at Folk Fest
Just like every other summer, Mick and Heather spent the weekend volunteering at the Records Tent at the Edmonton Folk Music Festival.

This year was the 25th anniversary of the festival. It was Heather's third year volunteering and Mick's fifth. Volunteers get free gate admission, meals, and volunteer parties each night.

"I wish we would've seen more of the festival. We only saw five hours of entertainment in four days of working," whined Mick.

"I was really upset about all the kids who came to see Ani Difranco and didn't understand how Folk Fest works. They just budded and stood in front of people sitting on their tarps. Total lack of respect!" Heather complained.

Despite their concerns, Mick and Heather had a great time at the festival, and plan on returning again next year. "We couldn't miss this."

Next year, Mick and Heather plan on volunteering at the Calgary Festival as well, so they can actually see some of the artists.

Photo: Just some of the thousands of people on the hill at the Edmonton Folk Music Festival.

July 31, 2004

Mick and Heather Attend Their High School Reunion
Weyburn, Saskatchewan. Home of Tommy Douglas and medicare. Also childhood home to Mick and Heather, who went home to attend their 10 year high school reunion.

Since high school, Mick and Heather have both been very busy. "I was a little upset that they had the wrong yearbook write-up for me. My last name hasn't changed. I actually do have a job. I'm not just a wife. I'm an engineer, damn it! Ah, who cares. I never see any of these people anyway."

Mick was a little less angry about the whole thing. "It was good to see that I wasn't the only one to get fat."

Already looking forward to their 25 year reunion, Mick and Heather have started planning activities so they can have stories to tell. "We're going to go to Africa or something. Maybe even Calgary. Who knows?"

Photo: Other classmates are having kids. Here's a few.

July 25, 2004

Mick and Heather Apologise for a Hot Computer Room
Mick and Heather have not been able to update their website in over a month due to extreme heat in their third floor computer room.

"I can't believe how freaky the weather's been. It was over 30 degrees outside for a few days straight, and then it would hail intermittently. Hot air rises, and our third floor was cooking at well over 40 degrees. You know it's hot when your hardwood smells like it is slowly burning," Mick explained.

The hot weather has the couple thinking about air conditioning. "If we didn't have to put our condenser right beside that guy's bedroom at the apartment behind us, I'd do it. The first two floors aren't too bad. The basement is nice and cool. It's just the one floor that gets bad," Heather added.

The couple hope to be better at updating their site from now on. The hot days are mostly over, so the sweltering heat will no longer be a factor.

Photo: Diskettes are now useless on the third floor. "Burning a CD" takes on a whole new meaning now.

June 28, 2004

Mick and Heather Vote in the Federal Election
This past Monday night Mick and Heather exercised their franchise and voted for the party they felt most matched their values.

"What kind of Canada do I want? Let me tell you..." Heather explained. This year's Federal Election resulted in some subtle changes in the makeup of our government. Time will tell if they are for the good or not.

"I'm just happy that the Liberals will have to work with other parties for a change, to get a job done. Perhaps with the NDP's strong performance we can expect to see proportional representation," Mick stated.

Heather was upset by the voter turnout this year. "People have civil wars for the right to vote. People elsewhere die trying to get this right, and Canadians don't even walk three blocks to vote. That's brutal. If you don't vote, you can't bitch."

Photo: Orange means "good," light blue is "almost good," red means "oh-oh," and dark blue means "the fun is over."

June 26, 2004

Mick and Heather See Cirque du Soleil's "Quidam"
You didn't really think they tried out for Cirque, did you?

Mick and Heather headed to Calgary to visit with Mick's family and to take in "Quidam," the current Cirque du Soleil show running.

"It was a good time. The seats were small, and someone kicked my grandpa off a park bench outside, but other than that it was a good time," Mick explained. "It also would have been nice if I didn't have gas. Aunty Kellie's hearty meal the night before really put me over the top."

The show featured clowns, juggling, aerial hoops, aerial contortions, skipping ropes, some hand-balancing, and a whole bunch of interesting tricks. The show features no animals.

"I really enjoyed the show. Mick's mom got us the tickets for our birthdays, and it was a wonderful gesture. I just wish we could've visited more with them," Heather explained.

Photo: Mick and Heather are training in their living room for next year's tryouts.

June 24, 2004

Mick and Heather Have a Visit with Mick's Cousin Calvin
Mick's cousin, Calvin, stopped in for a visit with Mick and Heather while touring with Matt Dusk.

Calvin stopped by for a couple beers to chat about his current tour, his wonderful family, the reality show he was on, and to get Mick and Heather to see his show in Calgary the following night.

Calvin grew up in Weyburn, Saskatchewan, then headed to Thunder Bay, Ontario when he was 13. He and Mick get to see each other every couple years or so because of the various tours he ends up on, and the time spent is always enjoyed by all.

"I can't get over how big he is," explained Calvin. About seven years ago, Mick and Calvin saw each other again for the first time in nearly ten years. "I saw him walk into the club, and I knew it was him, but I couldn't get over how big he was."

"I can't get over how big he is. He used to be das Muttersoehnchen and now he's wunderbar!" exclaimed Mick. "I am so happy that we get to visit once in a while. It's great!"

Photo: This is a picture of Calvin from The Toronto Show's website.

June 13, 2004

Mick Raises $735 for Multiple Sclerosis by Riding Bike 164 km
Mick's team for the inappropriately named "MS 150 Bike Tour" raised a whole pile of money for the Canadian MS Society this weekend.

The team, made up of four instrument guys who work at a nearby upgrader, biked from Leduc to Camrose and then back again. The team name "Upgrader Figs" comes from the nickname that the lowly electricians have for instrumentation technicians (Fantastic Instrument Guys).

The first day of the trip was a rainy one, with blowing winds and many tough hills. The team biked for over three hours, plus took breaks at the various checkpoints along the route or terror. Once arriving in Camrose, they were put up at the residence at Augustana University College. The team relaxed, played some Backgammon, then went out to enjoy the festivities.

"My behind was the only thing that was sore. I had a good gel seat, but even then it burns after a couple of hours," Mick explained, "It was all for a good cause. My week of suffering will be nothing compared to what some of the people with MS go through on a daily basis."

The team plans on riding again next year. Mick wanted to thank all of his sponsors and hopes that next year they will be just as supportive.

Photo: Next year's team logo will be more accurate- the biggest guy will have the smallest fig leaf.

May 22, 2004

Mick and Heather Attend a Wedding in Vernon, BC
For the May long weekend Mick and Heather drove out to Vernon, BC to attend the wedding of their friends, Rob and Stacy.

The wedding took place on a sandy beach, with the groom wearing sandals and the bride barefoot. The weather was definitely on their side, with the dark clouds rolling out to make way for the sun moments before the ceremony.

The reception followed at a nearby hall. "The highlight of the wedding reception was when the bride shot an empty gas can off the top of the groom's head with a compound bow. That was awesome!" Mick exclaimed.

"I liked the cake. We had to do a shot of Snakebite with the bride and groom to get some cake. We had a really good time at their wedding," Heather explained.

"I still say the part where she blindfolded Rob and took twenty paces with that bow was cool," rebuffed Mick.

Congratulations to the new couple. All the best in the future. Leave your bow in the closet from now on, Stacy.

Photo: It's about time.

May 17, 2004

Mick and Heather Celebrate Their First Anniversary
To celebrate one year of marital bliss, Mick and Heather relaxed around the house for three straight hours then got up to go look at furniture.

They exchanged gifts, following the first anniversary ritual of Paper/Clocks (modern). Mick got Heather a lovely watch to match her rings, and Heather got Mick some paper.

The not-so-newlyweds then headed to Cafe Mosaics for lunch, where Heather enjoyed a delicious Lunch Burrito and Mick had the Secret Burrito. The secret has never been revealed by the staff at Mosaics, which may be a good thing.

Now that the Paper/Clocks (modern) anniversary has passed, the two can look forward to another great year together, and the upcoming Cotton Anniversary.

Cotton is fun. "Thanks to everyone who called us or sent cards and gifts," thanked Mick.

"Please don't expect us to call you on your anniversary," joked Heather.

Photo: Don't they look happy?

May 12, 2004

Mick and Heather Go Grocery Shopping with the Premier
This past Wednesday evening, Mick and Heather had a rare opportunity to go shopping for groceries with Ralph Klein, Premier of Alberta.

Despite Ralph showing up late for the shopping, and not acknowledging Mick or Heather while they shopped, it was a wonderful experience for all parties involved.

"He arrived so late that we were actually on our way out when he was walking in. We were at Champion Foods, which is a little mom-and-pop type place on Jasper Ave. He walked in, fluffed his hair, then headed straight for the Near-Beer aisle," Mick explained.

"I think it's strange that he has an apartment in our area. It's a Liberal riding provincially and federally. Maybe he's living around here because Buddy's and Woody's are both nearby," added Heather.

Ralph was a real joy to go shopping with, although he didn't want to chat too much. Despite what you've heard, he likes to keep his opinions to himself. If you have any messages for Ralph that you'd like to pass along, feel free to let Mick or Heather know.

Photo: Ralph likes ribbons and flowers. The brighter, the better.

May 9, 2004

Heather Gets a "New" Bike
With Mick's new training regiment, Heather has been feeling a little left out. "Mick takes off for bike rides with his friends, and I stay at home and clean."

Mick has been training for the MS Bike Tour with the rest of his team, and now Heather is going to help out.

"I get up at 5:00 and go for a ride up and down a big hill by our house. On weekends we do our distance runs, which range from 28 to 36 km through the tough terrain of the river valley. Our big race is coming up in June, and I don't want my ass to be too sore to ride the second day."

One of Mick's training partners, R-Squared, has offered to trade a spare bike he has for a bottle of Gibson's Finest. The bike needs a little work, but Heather is ready for the challenge.

"I am ready for just about anything. Mick is going to get me some new tires and a new seat. If anything else goes wrong, I'll take care of it myself. If we bike enough, Mick will quit snoring."

If you have any bike gear you'd like to donate to Mick and Heather, please let them know.

Photo: Don't worry... it will get her there.

April 18, 2004

Mick and Heather See The Pixies
In yet another surprise reunion tour, The Pixies came to Red's and put on a great show.

Mick and Heather went early to the sold-out show to pick their pre-ordered and pre-paid tickets up, but were surprised when the staff at Red's let the people in who showed up after them with tickets in hand. Despite being second, third and fourth (their friend Pat was also there) in line, they had to wait until the first 500 people got into the venue.

"Those buggers at Red's are going to get it. This is the last time we get will-call tickets. We sent a letter to both Red's and Ticket Master, but have yet to get a reply.

They ended up getting some good seats on the upper deck, but a few people thought they could just push up against them for the show. There was no one standing behind them except for a few people who were so close Mick couldn't breath without touching them.

"Initially, Mick used his, 'Beat it!' routine to get people to leave. That worked for a while, but then some kids didn't take the hint," explained Heather.

Photo: Like every other reunion, people get heavier.

April 11, 2004

Heather Convinces Mick to Quit Smoking
After years and years of nagging, complaining, and offering rewards for Mick to quit smoking, he's finally given in toe Heather's pressure.

"I'm tired of her name-calling and making me feel inadequate as a good husband."

Mick quit his smoking and loaded up on NicoDerm patches.

"The way it was explained to me, my body needs nicotine to function. The doctor says our bodies make it, but when we smoke the body shuts down nicotine production. By using the patch it will slowly kick my nicotine manufacturing center into action, and I won't crave cigarettes. Sorry for sounding like a commercial, but it's really working," explained Mick. "The only side effect is the crazy dreams I've been having. The package warns me of these, but I like them too much to give the dreams up. Maybe everyone should go on the patch to get these crazy dreams!"

Hopefully everything will work out, and in two months when Mick is out of patches he'll keep off the cigarettes. Now all he has to do is find something to fill the spare time he's got on his hands since he quit.

Heather has suggested housework.

Photo: Don't the patches look like fun?

April 9, 2004

Mick and Heather See Bowie
David Bowie came to town and Mick and Heather didn't even get a t-shirt.

Bowie played to a big crowd at Rexall Place, which included Mick and Heather, who had tickets in the tenth row on the floor.

"He was so close to us. Funny guy. The best bit he had was about the girl who kept flashing him up front," noted Mick.

"He said, 'Where is the tittie girl? Oh, yes, there you are. Aw, titties. Those take me back,' and the crowd cheered, and she showed them to the whole audience," Heather laughed.

Despite his old age kicking in, Bowie played a fantastic show with all of his standard hits plus a few of his newer tunes. He only stumbled one time, when he made reference to the interesting plants at the Muttart Conservatory. "I see you all brought some interesting plants to share with your friends here. *sniff sniff* I thought perhaps I should have got some at the Muttart as well." He then looked out into the audience, sort of stunned like a deer in headlights.

Photo: This old man is really, really rich.

April 4, 2004

Heather Scolds Mick for Not Becoming an Oral Surgeon
Following a large meal, Heather explained to Mick that everything was his fault because he never became an oral surgeon.

"If only you would've become an oral surgeon, I wouldn't have to work. You'd be able to buy me lots of things, and life could be luxurious. But instead, you're in the trades. A trades guy. Meh!" Heather shouted.

"I'm sorry. I didn't even think of oral surgery as a possible career choice for me. I'm really, really sorry."

Heather then went on to complain about a number of other things going on in their lives because Mick didn't become an oral surgeon.

"I don't know how the supper would've been different, but in her mind it's my fault the dinner was ruined. I wonder if I can take that by correspondence... maybe I could fix things."

Following the severe scolding, Mick put his tail between his legs and cleaned up the kitchen.

Photo: Mick could've been a contender.

April 3, 2004

Mick and Heather Go On a Pubcrawl
Tonight Mick and Heather set a new record for the longest they'd stayed out with friends while on a pub crawl. The pub crawl was on a double-decker bus run by Nite Tours.

"I was impressed by the first bar. It was sort of nice. I didn't realise that there was a stagette going on our bus, too. It was fun, though," Heather explained.

The highlight of the evening may have been when the bride-to-be stood up at the front of the bus and showed everyone her breasts. She then forced one of the tour guides to show his behind to the busload of crazies as well.

"I liked either of the first two bars, but the third bar was a bit too much. It was shoulder to shoulder, and a lot of the girls forgot to put clothes on before they came out," Mick commented. "I don't think we'll ever go to that place again. Having someone scan your driver's license before you enter was a little weird, too. That was at the second place, and the guy explained that it was to make sure I hadn't killed anyone there before."

All in all it was a good time- home shortly after midnight, asleep by 12:30. If the couple would've known a few more people, or had less to drink and remembered people's names, it would've been even better.

Photo: The bus smelled like beer and vomit.

March 22, 2004

Heather Scolds Mick for Spelling a Friend's Name Wrong
After having a story on their website for over a year, Mick was finally told that he spelled someone's name wrong.

"That's not how you spell her name. You have to change it. What if she read how you spelled her name?"

Mick apologised, then quickly read through the news pages to see where he'd spelled it wrong.

"There's lots of spelling mistakes. Grammar, too. I can't believe I never noticed before. I just wished I would've heard about it seven months ago. I feel really bad now. I don't know if I can face the world."

Photo: Heather ran Mick through a number of exercises to get him up to form.

March 13, 2004

Mick and Heather Go to the Cheap Theatre
Despite previously bad experiences at Edmonton's Cinema City 12, Mick and Heather decided to attend a showing of the film, "Elf" at the cheap theatre.

Upon entering the theatre, Heather noted that they were the oldest people in the theatre. "I see lots of kids. Why are there no adults here, Mick?"

After surveying the room Mick also noted that there was a definite lack of adults on the premises. "The manager has started puberty, at least."

The humanity proved to be too much for both Mick and Heather. Situated in a pseudo-ghetto, the cheap theatre is a haven for teenage boys looking to score some smack, and teenage girls looking to turn a few tricks. "Shouldn't someone be here chaperoning these kids?" Mick asked.

Every half hour or so it a police officer walks through the place, from the arcade to the concession stand. The officer who came through while Mick and Heather were waiting to go into their movie looked to be about 18 years old, and weighing in at about 145 pounds.

"If these kids start acting up, this guy is going to be in trouble," Heather commented.

During the showing of "Elf," two young girls got drunk and decided to sit on the floor at the back of the theatre aisle, laughing and giggling. Mick was quick to turn them in. "I wonder if their mothers pimp them out. 13-year-old girls shouldn't be wearing high heels and push-up bras. I'm sorry. The big hoop earrings and popping of bubblegum announce how easy they are to the world!"

Photo: When you're surrounded by hundreds of kids, you can't help feeling like you've run into the Children of the Corn.

March 12, 2004

Mick and Heather Visit Friends in Calgary and Relatives in Red Deer
This past Friday afternoon, Mick and Heather cruised down to Calgary to visit some friends who are planning on moving away in a couple of weeks.

Darcie and Dan currently live in Calgary, but plan on moving to *secret location*. "We're tired of living here. It sucks. We're going to *secret location* where our friends and family are. This sucks here."

Mick and Heather have known them since Canada Day 2000, and have been close friends ever since. "Good for them. It's really nice in *secret location*. We can't wait to go visit them there! I just wish we would've seen them more when they lived in Calgary."

On the drive back to Edmonton, Mick and Heather stopped in Red Deer to visit Heather's Uncle Terry and Aunt Brenda. They also had a visit with Terry and Brenda's grandson, Jacob. They had a good visit which included trying Terry's latest batch of wine.

Mick also did his best to help with the next batch of wine, but wasn't sure that everything was done properly. "They weren't following the directions. Sure, they've had three carboys running for the past 13 years- but they added the wrong bags at the wrong times. They were playing with fire."

Heather was happy to visit with Jacob. "I showed him a tractor, in a book, and then asked him to find the tractor, and he turned to the right page in the book. He's so smart!"

Photo: This is the only picture we have of Dan and Darcie. This was taken in *secret location*.

March 11, 2004

Heather Returns from Cold Lake
After two weeks of "pushing bush," Heather has finally returned from Cold Lake. She was away on business for two weeks, leaving Mick with a house to himself.

As per usual, he forgot to eat. She called daily to ask if he'd eaten, but by the time she called Mick was already in bed.

"I wish he would eat. Really, he should remember to."

Heather stayed at the Western Budget Motel, which is a real dreamy place.

Heather braved the elements for two whole weeks, and spent time driving one of those SUV's that she hates so much. "I hate SUVs, but I enjoyed driving one. But it was fun- if someone tailgated me, I just sat there. What are you gonna do? Go around me? I'm huge."

Heather has no plans to return to Cold Lake, but if the chance pops up she'd be more than happy to go back again.

Photo: Jets on sticks. Cold Lake has many fine art pieces, such as this, to admire.

February 16, 2004

Mick and Heather Make Changes to Their Website
Due to privacy issues, Mick and Heather have been forced to make some changes to their website.

"The new privacy laws were a real kick in the junk," Mick explained, "Now if people want to see pictures from our wedding, the only place they can get to them is by clicking here."

As well, the two have added new categories to their menu- one for Recipes, Movies, and Books.

"Our Books page is about books we've read. Our Recipes page will highlight some of our favourite recipes. You'll never guess what we are going to put on our Movies page!" exclaimed Heather. "Our Movies page is all about movies we've watched lately!"

As always, it is a work in progress. The two anticipate that they should have a healthy number of items for each category by 2006 or 2009. One or the other.

"Eventually we will start showcasing the art we're producing at our studio. There are many priceless images in our portfolio, and they are dying to be showcased."

If you have any questions, concerns, etc. regarding the new categories on their website, feel free to email them.

Photo: Heather was a good McEmployee in her day.

February 14, 2004

Mick and Heather Get hot and Spicy on Valentine's Day
To celebrate their first Valentine's Day as a married couple, Mick and Heather made reservations for Khazana in downtown Edmonton.

What they didn't know, was that the special evening was buffet service only. This was fine and dandy, until a gentleman at the next table tried to out-eat Mick.

"We were sitting there, waiting for a waiter to serve us. No one told us it was a buffet. I think that there were a few other tables that had no idea it was a buffet, either," Mick explained. "And that whole deal with the guy at the other table trying to out-buffet me? What a loser!"

Heather had mixed reviews. "The service was poor. No one told us that we should wait for our soup, or that we were eating from the buffet. We just dived in. The guy even asked us if we wanted drinks, then forgot to mention how we were to eat. We could've sat there all night and starved to death!"

Over $100 later and bloated beyond belief, the couple went home to enjoy the rest of their Valentine's Day festivities, ho ho ho.

Photo: Khazana is tasty, but the service is poor.

February 13, 2004

Mick and Heather Go to the Sidetrack for a Show
Once again, Mick and Heather have failed to learn from their experiences and attempted to go out on the town.

This past Friday night, Mick and Heather decided to go to the Sidetrack Cafe to check out some live music. They headed out about 8:00 pm, and made it just in time to see the first artist, Matt Masters.

"I just thought maybe the old lady needed a night out," explained Mick, "but I guess I should've thought about what she wanted to do, not what I wanted to do."

After ordering a pile of food and pounding back a couple pints of Keith's, they decided they had enough and headed home.

"On our way out the girl at the door told us that the next act was better, thinking we didn't like the music, and later accused us of not being music fans. We were just tired, because we're old!" acknowledged Heather. "It was nearly ten o'clock already!"

The couple made it home in time for some home improvement shows before they hit the hay. Hopefully they've finally learned their lesson.

Photo: This guy tried his best to sound like Johnny, but he drove us to drinking.

February 1, 2004

Mick and Heather Make Life Goals and Prepare for Groundhog Day
This past Sunday afternoon, Mick and Heather sat down to make some goals and plans for their lives in preparation of Groundhog Day.

"If you don't have something to plan and strive for, you'll just piddle your life away. And I'm done with piddling!" Heather exclaimed.

Mick, being a piddler, had some very high goals. "I want to reduce my intake of sugar. My grandpa told me it's poisonous."

Mick and Heather also took the opportunity to place some bets on Sport Select for the results of Wiarton Willie's big day on Monday. "We're hoping for the end of winter. I cannot express how much we're hoping for the end of winter. Come on, end of winter. Big bucks, no whammies, end of winter. Sing it, Willie!"

Look forward to hearing about the progress of each of them on their life goals.

Photo: It better be the end of winter upon us.

January 24, 2004

Mick and Heather Hit the Town for a Going-Away Party
This weekend, Heather and Mick went out for a few drinks for a going-away party for their friend, Rob.

"I can't believe that Rob is leaving. It seems like just yesterday he was dating 18 year old girls, and now he's going off to Taiwan to teach English!"

"That was last week, Mick," Heather corrected. "We're sure going to miss Rob. You knew if he was around it was going to be a party."

Rob, who is famous for such lines as, "Your mother's a carny!" and the always enjoyable, "Ref, you suck!" has decided to spread his mastery of the English language to the people of Taiwan.

Mick and Heather have already started a "Bail Rob Out of a Taiwanese Jail" fund, and if you're interested in helping out, email them.

Photo: Mick can fit Rob's whole head in his mouth.

January 10, 2004

Mick and Heather's Friend Heads to Mongolia
Colin, Mick's pal from work and NAIT, left last week for a job in Mongolia. He is employed by the Boroo Gold Company, located 110 km NW of Mongolia’s capital city, Ulaanbaatar, in the northern part of Mongolia close to the Russian border.

Enjoying the working conditions, and having to "arrive early so I get a guy who speaks English and has tools- I don't have tools," Colin is enjoying his job at the gold mine.

Unfortunately, he was slated to go to Africa in March, but has changed plans because of the length of his contract.

For those of you who know Colin, he's looking forward to adding you to his email list which includes his journal of his trip thus far. Feel free to send him an email.

HERBIE UPDATE 01/20/2004: Colin now has a multi-bit screwdriver to work with, so his dependence on the locals is weakening.

Photo: This is the face of a guy who is afraid of the bucket of used toilet paper beside the crapper at work.

January 1, 2004

Mick and Heather's Car Gets Broken Into
Despite having a car alarm, and being parked in front of their house, some jerk broke into Mick and Heather's car and stole their CDs.

"I am in shock and awe. They could've taken the garage door opener out and walked straight into our house," Mick said at a small press conference. "The CDs they stole are irreplaceable. Well, maybe replaceable, but a real pain nonetheless."

"They aren't going to even like the CDs," explained Heather, "They are going to take them home, put them in and be disappointed."

The thief (or thieves) did not break a window, but they did take out the lock on the driver's side. Because of "an unusual demand for locks due to theft" it took almost a month to have the lock replaced.

Mick and Heather are hoping the thieves break into the car again and return the CDs.

Photo: Volkswagens are easy to break into. Really.

January 1, 2004

Mick and Heather Return from Trip Home for Christmas
Mick and Heather headed back to Saskatchewan for the holidays yet again this year.

"It's always good to see everyone. Especially Emma," explained Heather. "This year we even bought skates in Weyburn to take her skating."

The two began their trip by driving from Edmonton to Regina, and spending a couple of days with Mick's parents. They then drove down to Weyburn and spent time with Heather's family, then returned back to Regina for Christmas Eve. On Christmas day they went back to Weyburn, and on Boxing Day they drove home to Edmonton.

"I don't like driving," commented Mick, "It's good to see family. Heather needs to see her niece. Our niece, I mean. It's really important that we get home at least twice a year to see them. They're all getting so old. Our parents, I mean..."

Next year's holidays are still up in the air. "Our holidays are up in the air. We might not have the time off, and we might not drive. My parents haven't even been to our house, so maybe we'll just have Christmas here next year," explained Mick.

Photo: Mick and Heather made some fancy cookies.